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Floor Movement: An Interview

https://youtu.be/gMs_qVcotdQ Video Courtesy of DIVA CHANNEL NET Hong Kong Charlotte Tsui Senior Editor 06/09/2019 The Beauty Inside:為情緒尋找一個出口,面對不幸,她以舞蹈表達痛楚! 面對不幸和負面情緒,每個人都會感到迷惘、生氣,Emily則選擇用舞蹈來表達自己,沉浸在忘我的一刻,彷彿可以短暫地忘卻煩惱。她在大約一年半前得知自己患上白血病,而她堅強與樂觀性格,陪她渡過了最艱難的時期。 Movement is my perfect language   編者第一次注意到Emily是在instagram無意中掃到她的短片,她沉醉地聽著音樂,用舞動著身體寫出「香港」 兩個字,當時剛好處於社會混亂的狀態,她的肢體動作好似包含了千言萬語。成人世界總有難以言語的情緒,對Emily來說,跳舞就是表達自己的最佳語言。在亞洲女生很難有地方可以宣洩自己的Sexuality,鋼管舞對Emily來說,就是一個重要的渠道,用肢體演繹出平時不敢表露的自己。不介意其他人的眼光,留片刻給自己,卸下防備,盡情地抒發。 她的舞蹈不跟別人的步調,聽著音樂,感受當下的情緒,四肢隨之自由擺動,但舞蹈的張力卻足以感染其他人。生病之後,人與人之間的肉體接觸讓她感到害怕,令自己與男友的關係也日漸生疏。反而與地面的舞動讓她找到一種莫名的安全感,因為面對靜物她無需遷就,面對病痛有太多複雜的情緒,言語不能表達,這種舞蹈就變成她宣洩的出口。不過不是每天都有力氣和心情,悲傷、無助,也是一種情緒,跟隨著低落的情緒隨意搖擺身體,表達著一種失落。 堅強面對才能重獲能量   生病初期,身體的不適讓Emily感到無力,面對醫生的藥單和治療方案,她只能點頭默許。期間的辛苦,讓她只想沉醉在嗎啡的昏沉之中,她說:「 The more sober I am the more anxious I am。」  她重新拿回自己力量竟然是她剃頭的那一刻。身為女性,更明白剃頭就像酷刑,剃走的不只是頭髮,也是身為女性的自尊。Emily曾經長髮及腰,跳舞時髮絲在腰間搖擺,讓舞姿更多一份魅力。除了頭髮,她的體重也漸漸上升,從小就喜愛運動的她,從未超過50KG,當她的體重慢慢攀升,自尊心便隨之下降。進行化療後,脫落的頭髮就像是她被奪走的能量,她寧願痛快地剃光,也不想每日看著頭髮脫落。剃頭看似很淒慘,但當決定權在自己手中,反而重新獲得能量,心情也更輕鬆了。 癌症不僅讓她的身體更虛弱,也改變了她的外表 被隔離43天,情緒的最高懲罰   「還好在初期就看了心理醫生,這個決定在之後最難過的時候拯救了我。」Emily一向性格開朗,外表看似很堅強,但與心理醫生深談一番後,得知原來自己從小便習慣把負面、悲傷的情緒一口吞下,壓抑著自己的情緒。雖然外表開心,但連她自己也不知道內心的負面情緒正在氾濫。 進行了骨髓移植後的Emily,免疫系統下降,因此要被隔離43日。只能見醫生和護士,當時她最常做的就是坐在窗邊眺望外面的景色。即使可以使用手機,但是全身都痛的她,只能躺在床上,連眼睛也睜不開。長時間的隔離,對健康的人來說已是精神折磨,加上她原本的身體的痛楚和精神壓力,簡直有如情緒的最高懲罰。「當時什麼人也沒有見過,如果之前沒有看心理醫生,可能自己會想自殺。」   看心理醫生不代表一個人有精神疾病,也不是有病才去求醫。在受困擾的初期尋求幫助,是對自己心理的關懷和對疾病的預防。她說,「你不會知道自己的有需要,直至找到答案。」現在的她不再壓抑情緒,以舞蹈釋放自己。 後記:堅強是傷口慢慢結出的痂   看到Emily instagram跳舞和運動的片段,若非知道她的情況,根本不會想到她處於癌症康復期。與編者想像的一致,她的確很堅強、樂觀,即使在醫院的等候時間,她也能找到自娛自樂的方法,在病房內隨心起舞。可是面對癌症,她也經歷了迷失、不知所措的情緒。比起堅強、樂觀的性格,更重要的是了解自己,她嘗試了解自己的病情,了解服用的藥物,為身體的狀態找到答案。在情緒方面,她也向心理醫生求助,讓她受到情緒困擾時,能解讀自己的情緒,也知道如何應對。堅強不是與生俱來的,它是在受傷後,了解自己,慢慢結出的痂。 Credits Photograph、Video/Daren Cheng Graphic design/YeeChing Lee Video Editing/Daren... Continue Reading →

One Thing A Day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjvHfYbf5OA&t=4s "One Thing A Day" produced by Egill Bjarki, part of the series "The Human Experience" "The Human Experience is a web based series, focusing on the complexity of the human condition. What is important to us, how we reach other people. Where we find success and how we deal with failure. Stripped down, simplified,... Continue Reading →

A Diagnosis-sary at 2 Years

4/4/2018… the date I was diagnosed with blood cancer.  If you know the Chinese superstition about the number 4, it pretty much means “die die” to the sum of 8. Today marks 2 years since my life went into its own kinda lockdown.  Social distancing, cleaning everything, mask wearing.. what most are practicing today during... Continue Reading →

Therapy Without Words

You know how we sometimes feel paralysed by the surmount of unpleasant chatter between our ears?  The state where visualising a way out of that tunnel seems daunting, hopeless, filled with self-doubt? The cocktail of music and movement has been my red pill (Matrix movie reference).  The need to unplug from the Matrix of self-imposed... Continue Reading →

A Lonesome Christmas

Don’t worry, this ain’t no Debbie Downer post, unless you make it one 😉 Christmas means something different to each of us, many don’t even celebrate this holiday. Whichever special day you celebrate throughout the year, you might still be able to relate. The first things that come to mind about Christmas is being home... Continue Reading →

Dying

Around this time last year, I was closer to dying than I ever was... again. (I know, geez Emily, that's sooooo dramatic) *rolls eyes* Whatev's y'all, reflection is important for growth! This time last year, I was admitted for intensive chemotherapy followed by a stem cell transplant (bone marrow transplant). Things felt scary at that... Continue Reading →

Cancer and Career Interview with The Hive

Excerpt "Recently, she completed her first live talk recounting her experience as a cancer survivor at an event hosted by Joint Dynamics, a physiotherapy clinic in Hong Kong. She has also made guest appearances on Pacific Muscle Chats and Hong Kong Confidential to share her experiences in mental and sexual health as well as dealing... Continue Reading →

Face-Mask Ban Impediment

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3MOT1DIrpA/ Today, Hong Kong announced they are officially banning face-mask wearing at protests and in public, effective from 5th of October, 2019. News reported that we won’t be prosecuted if we’re wearing masks for health reasons, however, mask-wearing will now be seen as defying the law, more than ever. Even if we ain’t harassed by... Continue Reading →

My First Talk As a Cancer Fighter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZNjsZGPNTk&feature=youtu.be Firstly, I was nervous about this 🙊 My experience in presenting is on fitness content but when I sat down to outline this talk, self-doubt crept in. I wondered how I could bring value when I'm just talking about myself. So, I procrastinated and didn't work on my powerpoint slides until a few hours... Continue Reading →

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