I could not be vulnerable with women for similar reasons as why many men won’t be vulnerable with women today- risks of being attacked, judged, penalized, emotionally blackmailed, rejected…
I didn’t grow up with sis or female friends where I felt comfortable being vulnerable with, my Mom & I didn’t have the kind of relationship where “talking” is a form of bonding (instead of fighting).
Like many, vulnerability got me burnt.
[Backstory: literally, my first American friend burned my jacket after I told her I don’t want to hang out with her – her dad said hurtful words to the 15 yr old me & she used me a lot. She then threatened me & used my secrets against me.]
It was highly difficult for me to trust girls, particularly white girls, after her.
Learning how to be trust someone was F*****G hard.
Learning how to trust myself, was harder.
This is an important skill I wish I learned earlier.
Like any skill, it takes practice to use a tool.
Time & effort sharpens use of a tool.
Like any tool, if you keep bringing it to the wrong setting, it doesn’t work.
No matter how much you wish it, a hammer will not fit a screw.
What I learned :
1. Be vulnerable with myself FIRST
2. Understand how I want to be supported
3. PICK YOUR PEOPLE (not every one is capable or ready to support you)
One of my many mantras:
If I ask of someone to take risks with me, I need to trust myself to handle it for the both of us, and vice versa.
This is likely the reason why that when I DO get lucky & meet women who I can be real with, I treasure those connections.
The action behind @mentalmusclemafia is challenging for my spirit, as it feels like it’s just taking beating after beating from despair of external resistance.
But it’s time like this where a session makes it all worth it #HopeOfHumanity
We’re running the next circle with all men on the 28th of Nov in Hong Kong
If you and I have not been chatting about this yet, and empowering men sounds like something you want to stand for – get in touch ❤️🔥