This is a repost of Shimmy’s Pole Diary‘s blogpost, which I found so entertaining and quite true 😉 So for those out there who struggle to understand us Pole Dancers, Pole Athletes, Pole Lovers….. perhaps this may help.
Peace & Love, Ems
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—> There have been a few of those Shit Pole Dancers Say videos going around lately (including one we made at the Pole Dance Academy). It got me thinking about how united we are worldwide in our weird pole dancer quirks. So I thought I would put together a little guide of essentials to understanding the ins and outs of pole dancers. Enjoy 🙂
Tip 1: Must Love Cats
It seems that every second pole dancing clip on YouTube features a kitty cat swirling in between the ankles of her pole dancing mum. The pole dancer’s kitty is usually staunchly opposed to pole dancing, especially when it steals attention away from more pressing demands, such as tending to the kitty’s needs. More proactive kitties also engage the “pounce and attack” technique while mum is mid-swing through the air, in an attempt by the kitty to redirect attention away from the pole and back to its furry little self. NB: if this is a technique your kitty uses, take advantage of it by blaming the kitteh for your failure to make your phoenix. Miaow.
Tip 2: Must be on Facebook/Youtube
If a pole dancer deadlifts and no one on Facebook sees it, does she make a sound? Who knows, who cares – what’s important is that if you don’t post about it or boast about it on Facebook, it never happened.
Tip 2: The Polegasm
Polegasm (noun): a series of intensely pleasurable waves throughout the entire body that a pole dancer experiences when achieving a difficult move for the first time. Multiple polegasms are known to occur if the move is new, or if a group of pole dancers are present to witness the event. The best way to prolong the polegasm experience is to post about it on Facebook (see Tip 2).
This term I believe was originally coined by Ms Billie of Sydney, Australia, and we thank her for so succinctly describing what we have all experienced.
Tip 3: The Pole Crush
The Pole Crush is a phenomenon commonly experienced by most, if not all, pole dancers. It consists of unreasoning devotion bordering on stalker-like behaviour, and is a typical reaction to close contact with any of the following pole dancer specimens:
- Jenyne Butterfly
- Felix Cane
- Alethea Austin
- Zoraya Judd
- Oona Kivela
- Natasha Wang
- Anastasia Skukhtorova
- Alesia Vazmitsel
- Jamilla Deville
- Amber Ray
- Marlo Fisken
- Pantera
- Fawnia Dietrich
- And so on.
Tip 4: Must Have Highly Developed Stalker Abilities
Your average pole dancer knows more about other pole dancers living in other countries than s/he knows about their next door neighbour. Pole dancers have stalking abilities that would impress an FBI agent. I bet you can pass the following quiz easily, without even having to check:
- Alethea Austin’s favourite drink?
- Felix Cane’s signature tattoo?
- Jenyne Butterfly’s city of residence?
- Zoraya Judd’s husband’s name?
- The name of your Pole Crush’s pet?
- Pole dancing should ALWAYS be done in stripper shoes.
- Pole dancing should NEVER be done in stripper shoes.
- Gymnastics has no place in pole dance.
- Contemporary dance has no place in pole dance.
- Stripper style dance is superior.
- Stripper style dance is the history of pole dance. Contemporary pole is the future.
- You’re not a “real dancer” if you only have pole training.
- Pole should be in the Olympics.
- Pole should NEVER be in the Olympics!
- Boys should be welcomed.
- NO BOYS!!! Well, maybe only gay boys. Maybe. If they behave.
- wearing stockings;
- wearing long pants;
- wearing a g-string so skimpy that even when drunk the pole dancer will be less inclined to invert publicly;
- publicly stating that certain venues with poles are off-limits.
Miscellaneous Tips
Your pole dancer is also likely to:
- be intensely proud of his/her bruises;
- want to climb street signs and be photographed doing so;
- challenge boys in bars to push up contests;
- have the disgusting habit of peeling callouses in public;
- own a large collection of dress shorts;
- shudder when s/he estimates how much of his/her income is spent on pole dancing;
- justify that it’s much better to spend money on pole dancing than on alcohol and drugs;
- know exactly what s/he is looking for in the crotch of a pair of knickers; and
- plan significant life events and holidays around important dates in the pole calendar; and
- be able to walk, dance and run in stripper heels, but struggle to stay upright in regular high heels.
